Hi baby boy,
Hi baby boy,
Ellie had her first cross country race today. We kept telling her that you were there racing with her today. It made her feel better. She did well. Unfortunately, she takes after both her parents and she’s a head case before races. I’m proud of her, though. She’s really put herself out there this year.
One of the first races was the third grade boys. I stared at the group as they were getting ready to race and I just pictured you in the middle of the group with them. Would you have even wanted to run a cross country race? I don’t know, you were difficult to figure out sometimes. You never wanted to be at soccer on time because you didn’t want to run the two small loops around the field. However, you then did track and decided to run the 800m out of nowhere and ran every random race they needed someone in. I remember the one meet I had to ask if it was okay for you to run on the relay you volunteered for because you already hit your “event limit”. You got to run in the relay that day. I just watched in awe as you walked around without a care in the world before races and events. You were just so sure of yourself, or maybe you didn’t care and just did it because you enjoyed it? Having been around track and running the majority of my life, people like you are a minority. I wish you would have been there.
My obnoxious coaching self came out and I almost lost my voice screaming for the kids. It brought me right back to when I coached in college. However, in college I would always tell my kids that someone was right on top of them and they needed to pick it up and go. Ninety-nine percent of the time I was completely lying to them. It just always worked at getting them to find a little something they didn’t think they had left. I didn’t yell that at the kids today though. I just told them things like “great job”, “this is it, pick it up!”, or “you’re doing awesome!”. One of the girls actually looked at me and said “thank you” during her race. I also made a lot of eye contact with various kids at the finish line because they saw this crazy lady cheering them on and yelling and they had no idea who she was. I’ve got to get back into coaching in some capacity when I get back to Pennsylvania. Coaching your youth sports has been enough to hold me over, but I miss it.
I was just thinking about you today while driving home. I was just driving home with a little smile on my face, while simultaneously also crying. I cannot believe in a few days it’ll be six months. How?! I’m hoping to find a way to feel a little closer to you this holiday season. The photo books for your siblings will be here sometime next week. I’m going to wrap them in Christmas paper and say they’re a special gift from you. Help guide me through the next two months, my sweet boy. I love you more than anything in the world. Goodnight and sweet dreams.