Baby boy,

This morning after Ellie and Lucas went to school, Elijah wanted to do something puzzles in his Highlights book. We were on two pages where we needed to find sixteen different things that rhymed with the word “rain”. After spending about ten minutes on the puzzle, something finally caught my eye. I looked at the number on the train and it was “720”.

What are the chances? Elijah hasn’t wanted to do puzzles in months and we had actually done that one before. What was the chance that he’d pick that page out of his three books and the train would have that number? I don’t know, it seems too crazy to ignore.

These little things are putting me in a “lighter” headspace. It’s still an uphill battle, but there’s this sliver of something good that’s sitting in the back of my mind. I don’t know how to describe it and I honestly don’t know what to think of it. There’s times where I think I’m just crazy and losing it, but who knows.

I’m afraid to ask for more and I’m afraid to let myself believe that they could be something. I love you more than anything in the world, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.