My Isaiah Joseph,

Daddy was always the one who was worried about the possibility of things happening. I was the one living in a dream world where I thought that no matter what, I would always go before my four children.

I’m reminded every day of that when I open up the one cabinet and see the thing that daddy made me buy to help save one of you if you were choking. I laughed it off in my ignorance and ordered it to make him calm down. We’d never need this, tragedies like that don’t happen to you. Those tragic stories are the ones you hear on the news or read in a post by a stranger online. You quickly read it, feel horrible for the family, and try and move on before you think any further into the tragedy and how it would actually feel to go through it.

We haven’t needed that life saving device, but the universe played a cruel trick and found a different way to take you from me. It could never happen to me, I could never lose one of my children, or so I so stupidly thought.

I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.