My baby boy,

A year ago today you were declared brain dead. Daddy and I weren’t at all surprised when we heard it. You had lost the few reflexes you had left and they couldn’t come back.

I didn’t change how I talked to you all the time in the hospital. I figured there was still some way you could hear me. Maybe your spirit was hanging around the hospital room while the machines kept your body going.

Today was the last day of school for Ellie and Lucas. You would have been finishing third grade and I’m sure you would have loved it. It’s funny that Lucas didn’t want to go to school at all. I even started Ellie a little earlier because I was worried about Lucas and the transition. Well Lucas cried yesterday after school and cried again today when I picked him up. He didn’t want school to be over and doesn’t understand why he can’t just go back. I explained that the teachers needed a break, but that wasn’t a good enough excuse for him.

Before we left, I thanked his teacher at pick-up. I told her how much Lucas hated school and never wanted to come, yet here he is begging for it not to end. She said that he is one of the sweetest kids she’s ever met.

Again, I wish I could have known how things would have turned out back when I was stressing so much about the move and switching schools in the middle of the year. I definitely think the whole situation turned out the best way it possibly could have.

Aunt NaeNae and Aunt Tati are here to visit until Sunday and then Ellie and Lucas get dropped off at camp on Sunday. We also start The Caring Place group on Tuesday, so there’s a lot going on.

I managed to get your room much more put together today. I cleaned out a lot of things, I can actually lay in your bed now, and I set up your light so it’ll be on and shining purple all the time. I still need to make my way through the maze that is currently the garage and get a few of your things out of one of the bins, mainly your picture you drew of yourself with a kite and your yellow Lego bin that holds all your memories from your Celebration of Life.

I love you more than anything in the world, my sweet boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.