My sweet Isaiah Joseph,

Today we went to our final Let Grace In event. We made vision boards and your siblings decorated notebooks with their hopes for this next year. Elijah has a whole story on his notebook about a seal who throws a ball at someone else and a whale who fell in love with another animal sticker.

I enjoyed making mine. I am hoping 2025 centers around new beginnings, putting down some roots, and just learning to trust myself, what I do, and know that it’s enough.

I love being around the Let Grace In Ohana. They welcomed me in and have been a great support this last eight months. I was talking today to a few women on how I’m constantly looking for signs and then not trusting any that I got. I even got a message from someone just yesterday about how they saw someone who reminded them of you and they were thinking about you, but I couldn’t read it all. It was short, nothing at all complicated about the message. I started to read it, but then stopped. I don’t know why, but that’s usually what I do. Maybe I’m sabotaging myself and just thinking they’re sending me that to be nice and make me feel better? Like maybe it’s not real? Then there’s the other part of how much it means for me to get messages like that, but I don’t know how to respond to tell people “thank you”. Whatever I say, won’t be enough.

We are exactly two weeks away from leaving and I have about a thousand different emotions and thoughts running constantly through my mind. I was supposed to make a bucket list before I left, but it just didn’t happen.

Ellie and Elijah both struggled with missing you today, maybe you could visit one of them in their dream soon. I love you more than anything, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.