Hi my Isaiah,

The house is “almost” back together. It’s definitely taken longer than I had hoped, but it is very close to feeling like home again. My mind played a trick on me. While I was upstairs in my room, I suddenly said to myself “Isaiah is here” for no reason. Maybe it was you and that was my way of sensing you. Maybe my mind decided just to forget reality for a second. I don’t know.

In my dream last night I kept checking my email to see if the autopsy had come through. It never did. It seems like a serious thing just to send as an email with no warning, but that’s what’s going to happen. Whenever it’s complete, they will just email the report and hopefully I see it.

Today when I was cleaning I found a random button near the computer. Remember the button you had? I think you honestly named it “Button”. You had randomly found that button on the grass one day while Ellie was having cheer practice. Then you kept the button. I actually think I may have seen it in your room when I was looking around in there? You were determined not to lose that thing, but it was so random.

Life is not the same without you, baby. The house is quieter, meals require a lot less food, and there’s always something missing and it’s very noticeable. Nobody is here to keep Ellie from getting too bossy. Your loss has left an unimaginable hole in our lives. You were growing up so fast. Yet in the blink of an eye you were gone. I miss you. I want to be able to give you a hug and big kiss. I want you to ask me to pick you up and then I struggle to do it. When I did manage to pick you up, your legs were nearly touching the floor. Please keep watch over us, baby. I love you with all my heart.