Hi my baby,

Hi my baby,

I’m exhausted. Today was a bad day. I called Miss Madison and just asked her if I could stop by and hug her, she let me. I came home the second night you were in the hospital and your siblings were over her house. When I went over that evening she gave me the best hug. I needed another one today.

The nightmares are back. I don’t know why I stupidly thought that once there was a lull that it meant they were permanently gone.

Ellie went and won you a stuffed animal pizza. Lucas wrote his Christmas list last night and it included “pictures of Isaiah”.

I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to do this for the rest of my life. I love you so much, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.