My Isaiah Joseph,
As Lucas would say, Happy Christmas Eve Eve Eve. It doesn’t feel like Christmas. Maybe it’s also because of the Hawaii heat, but I can’t believe Christmas is almost here.
Remember how I told you that the elves were bringing you candy each morning along with your siblings? Well today was the day that we got all the candy together and spread some Christmas cheer for you. I made up little Christmas cards to go along with the candy that just said “we wish you a very Merry Christmas” and also had “in loving memory of Isaiah Joseph Watson”. I took your siblings and we went over to walk around the PX and commissary to find people to give them to. We started out with the employees at Game Stop since you liked it there and then just went around to random people. I just went up and said “Excuse me. I lost my eight year old in June, but our elves still brought him candy with his siblings. Now we would like to share Isaiah’s candy with you”.
It was super uncomfortable to be. You know, I’m awkward and don’t just go up and happily talk to people I don’t know. I was worried it was odd, I thought people would think I’m super weird, but it was really important that I passed along your candy. It was just a little way to honor you. Your siblings wouldn’t talk, one would just quickly hand them a Christmas card while I was doing my thing. While we were in the PX I told them that if you were there with us, we would have given all the candy away by now. You would have had no issues going up to people to offer them candy. I tried to channel my inner Isaiah, I want to make you proud. We managed to give all your candy away though and everyone who got it knew your name.
After the passing out of the candy, I made Ellie, Lucas, and Elijah hike up Kolekole with me. I thought it would be good to get outside in nature. Elijah and Lucas were happy to go, but Ellie didn’t want to. She doesn’t express it much, but I think she likes to avoid anything that makes her think about you too much. She came with us, but didn’t take the long way through the trees you guys always took, she didn’t climb on the “climbing tree”, and she just looked miserable. Her and I talked while the boys were on the tree about how I know it hurts, but to think about all the happy memories she had with you on Kolekole. I also told her that you’re watching down on her and want her to continue to live her life. I’m happy she went with us, she needs to remember those good memories with you.
Someone sent me a little quote tonight that talked about ways to honor people. It talked about creating things and writing things to honor you, but also to just wake up and survive. I don’t know why, but that really hit me. I worry about doing these huge things in honor of you. I want to help others and make peoples’ lives just a little better in honor of you. I worry that I won’t live up to what I think I need to in order to honor you, though. Just reading that though kind of let me take some pressure off myself, at least for now. I’m trying to honor you now just by taking care of your siblings.
I love you more than anything, my sweet boy. You amaze me and mean the world to me. Goodnight and sweet dreams.