Isaiah Joseph,

As the holidays get closer, the more uncomfortable I get. It’s a feeling of knowing I want nothing to do with the holidays, while simultaneously having to do as much as I can for your siblings. They still need all the magic and the traditions, but it’s a lot more difficult to even get all the decorations up.

You know how our elves come on Thanksgiving when they smell the turkey cooking? Well, I finally grabbed them out of the boys’ room today so they could “reappear”. They moved with us so I wouldn’t lose them and then they just ended up staying this whole time. The boys have made a few comments about how they can’t believe Dallon and Emily have stayed so long, but it’s just another hurdle to add to everything going on.

Some things came up tonight and I was getting upset about past life events. For whatever reason, while I was sitting there upset, I decided to put on Soy Yo from Sing 2. I just thought about you in your room in Virginia and absolutely lost it. I would rather be sad and missing you than thinking about the other stuff that happened, so I guess that’s a plus.

I kept wanting to ask you to play a specific song, but I was too afraid to ask and not get it so I didn’t. I’m sorry. I’m hanging on by a thread, baby boy. I love you more than anything, sweetie. Goodnight and sweet dreams.