My baby boy,

Elijah and I watched the new season of Lego Masters yesterday. There’s only one episode since it just started, but you would have loved it. I’m pretty sure your favorite team would have been the brothers that won the challenge. They created this amazing factory with all these moving parts for an assembly line. There’s also a team there from Pittsburgh, I think you would have liked them and been cheering for them by default. It hurt watching it without you, but seeing Elijah’s excitement during the episode helped me enjoy it.

Elijah also finished the Lilo and Stitch Lego set today. He did five out of six bags yesterday and finished the last one this morning. You would be so proud, he did the entire thing on his own. He usually does most of the set on his own, but needs help one or two times. However, this was completed only by him.

Elijah has been having some separation anxiety lately. It’s odd, because he’s never been like that. As we get closer to his birthday, things are getting worse. Since you passed away so close to your birthday, Elijah has been thinking that something is going to happen on his birthday. He asked me if he’s going to die on his birthday, that’s dark. He’s constantly worried if I walk into another room and needs to know exactly where I’m going. If I go downstairs or “farther away” in the house, he needs to just stop what he’s doing and come with me. If he knows I’m in the next room, but doesn’t follow, he’s calling my name every few minutes to make sure I’m still in there. He’s also been in my bed every single night for the past eight days.

I’m guessing his understanding and grief are changing as he gets older. I was told about this by other parents who experiences loss, which was very eye opening. As they grow and mature, their understanding of what happened and grief change, too. Maybe you could visit him soon just to say “hi”? He misses you so much.

I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.