My sweet boy,

Life can be weird sometimes. This morning I decided to ask Elijah if he wanted to go to the library after we dropped Ellie and Lucas off at school. I had just found my library card a few days before in my coat pocket and Elijah had been asking.

When we got to the library, Elijah went right over to the computers to do puzzles and I started my search for books. As soon as I started looking, I overheard the children’s librarian talking on the phone to someone. I guess someone was calling to ask questions about donating a book in the name of their child. I never knew such a thing existed, I needed to ask about it before I left.

I walked around the library just quietly tearing up over the fact of getting a book in your memory. I went over to the Dog Man section to see how many of those books they had, that would be a perfect book to donate. I also silently wondered about the person who was calling the library to ask. Did they lose a child, too?

When we were ready to leave, I checked out my books and asked about the book donation. They said it’s on their website and you make a donation. You don’t pick a book, but can give them a few ideas of what you would like it to be. Then they’ll get the book and put a name plate on it that says it’s in memory of the person. I loved this idea! It was another way to get your name out into the world and for a longer period of time.

Early this evening, I received a message from my friend Jacki. Although she’s currently in North Carolina, she was thinking of me this week with all that’s going on. She told me that she donated to the Peter’s Township Library today to get a book in honor of you. She couldn’t pick the book, but she said any Dog Man, Lego, or Minecraft book would be perfect.

Isaiah, Jacki was the person on the other line when I was in the library this morning. Jacki was the one calling to see how to get a book in honor of you, while I cried and thought about how I wanted to do it for you. I don’t know how the universe works and the ways things turn out, but I feel like this was more of a coincidence. We go to the library maybe two or three times a month, what’s the chance I’m in there and overhear a call where someone is asking about donating a book for you?!

I am so incredibly thankful for such amazing people in my life and how me, you, and our family is still randomly on peoples’ minds.

Early in the afternoon, Elijah and I went into his room to build some castles with magnetic blocks. Out of nowhere, he starts talking about how even when you lose someone so important, you have to keep going. He said that he was so mad and yelled at the ocean in his head when everything happened. He then said how later he wanted to die so he could see you, but said then he realized we would all have to miss him now, too. He told me about ten times how we have to be strong and keep going. He’s so wise for his age. Maybe he thought I needed to hear that, maybe he was having a hard day and was reminding himself the same thing.

Terrible things happen all the time in peoples’ lives. Unfortunately, the world keeps going as your world has completely shattered. You expect the world around you to crumble, just like yours did. However, not a thing around you seems to change. Other people go on with their lives, oblivious to the event that just forever changed you. There really is no other choice than to “keep going” as Elijah said. For some, keeping going might just be waking up each morning and getting out of bed. A lot of my days were spent that same way. Your siblings have kept me going. Without them, I have no idea where I’d be in this whole thing.

Please keep watching over us. I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.