Isaiah Joseph,

I told some third graders that you passed away today and I actually said “passed away” and not lost.

I was working with small groups at the back table and the first group was commenting on my tattoo because I had my sleeve rolled up. I had told them how it was your handwriting from your journal and how it got copied from there and then put onto my arm. They were in awe that the whole thing was permanent, but that was about it with that group.

The second group that came back took a special interest in the tattoo, too. However, they needed a lot more explained about everything than the last group. I started off just telling them the same thing about how it was your handwriting. They were confused about the turtle, though. Why the turtle? Did you draw the turtle? Was it your turtle? Why was it your handwriting in the first place? That’s when I subtly told them I got it because you had passed away, we lived in Hawaii at the time, and seeing sea turtles was something special we did. They stopped talking, one of the kids looked at me, and asked how old you were. I told them you were eight years old and then kind of just tried to move on with what we were doing.

It wasn’t a big thing, I didn’t wreck their childhood, I feel as though it was a small amount of growth.

I was also talking to the teacher I was in for at the end of the day and she was asking about all my kids. I told her that my second born “passed away when he was eight”. Again, growth.

They have those thunder shirt things for dogs that can help calm them down during storms and things like that. I feel like I need a constant thunder shirt for life to make me feel safe as I move through each day.

I love you more than anything, baby boy. I would give up everything I have to get one more day with you. Goodnight and sweet dreams.