Isaiah Joseph,

I fell asleep like three times yesterday while I was writing your letter, so I will try and explain it a little better.

I’m seeing things in myself that I haven’t seen since I was running in college. Over the years, I lost my confidence and who I was. Since I’ve moved back to Pennsylvania, I’ve rediscovered parts of me that were gone for a long time.

I wish you could see and have this version of me. To be honest, maybe your siblings can’t even necessarily see it, but I am upset that I couldn’t get it together while you were still here. I’m upset that I lost myself that much in the first place, but I can’t change that now.

I hope that when my time comes that you’re waiting for me with a huge smile on your face and arms ready to hug me. I’m sorry that life had to be like this, I’m sorry you didn’t get enough time. I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.