My sweet boy,

My interview went, dare I say, really well today. I don’t know how the four people interviewing me felt, but I do know that it was a huge improvement from my last interview. I will find out at some point next week if I made it to the second round or not, but overall I’m actually somewhat proud of myself. Maybe you heard me talking to you a lot before it, asking for you to be with me. I did bring up Mrs. Holmes in the interview and told them what an impact she had on me as a parent and the kind of teacher I want to be.

I was in the garage this afternoon looking for an extension cord for the weed eater and came across the little cloth bin that’s holding all the cards we got from people when we lost you. I don’t like to look at them and really haven’t since we got each one. I started looking through it and was actually reading one of the cards from my friend Jacki. As I was reading it, I don’t think I was really paying attention to what I was reading. Instead, I was thinking about what the heck was going through her mind on what to write in that card. What does one even say?

I got really sad after that and just started talking to you there in the garage. I told you how I don’t understand how I’m expected to just do all this. I also told you how crazy it is that some of these grief waves come out and just slam me.

I got a random call on my phone while I was still in the garage and decided to pick up. I said hello, but there was silence. I didn’t wait that long to see and just hung up. I oddly wondered if that was you calling me to tell me that it’s okay and you’re good. I looked up the number online and it wasn’t tied to any person or place and had a low risk of fraud. I stared at the number, wondering if there was a “720” or some kind of other sign from you, but there wasn’t. I know I sound absolutely crazy, but it makes me feel better to tell myself that maybe in some weird world it was you.

I took your brothers to see the Mario Galaxy movie tonight. I brought your Minecraft blanket and your dog from Aunt Sarah so you’d be with us. Your brothers liked it more than the first one, but I wonder what your opinion would be. When Bowser started singing “Peaches”, I could only think of your rendition that you sent me saying “Mommy, I love you”.

Aunt Sarah is running a race tomorrow and she’s doing it in memory of you. She has a special little sea turtle on her shirt in honor of you. Please be there to cheer Aunt Sarah on for at least a portion of it.

I love and miss you more than anything in the world, baby boy. Thank you for helping me out in my interview today and helping give me the confidence I needed to get through it. Goodnight and sweet dreams.