Hi sweetie,
Hi sweetie,
Today started out okay. I got up an hour before your siblings so I had time to just listen to my music and get a jumpstart on the day. After we picked up Ellie, we went to the library. It’s the December “I spy” so obviously we needed to do that. While we were out, I saw someone I know in passing, but that’s about it. They know you passed. They didn’t say anything. Instead, I felt like they were just looking at me like “poor her”. Why the heck did this bother me?
There’s people that I’ve seen throughout the years that you either played on teams with or even one of the ladies at the commissary. They don’t know what happened. I do wonder if they notice you’re not there. It’s not like I want attention, but I just want to go up to them and tell them we lost you. Why? It gets me talking about you. These people saw you with me all the time, they can at least put a face to you. I feel like if nothing is said then you’re getting forgotten about. If they knew, when they saw me I hope they would automatically see your face. I don’t need anything. However, knowing someone thinks about you each day is comforting to me as a mom.
We went to the Christmas tree lighting on post today. I didn’t get any pictures in front of the card things like we did two years ago. I know I will probably regret it, but it’s too painful to try and take the pictures. Instead of seeing the picture for what it is and three of my kids making memories, I can only see that you are missing. They had bounce houses this year. You would have loved that. I’m sorry we didn’t go last year, it had just been raining the entire day. However, I don’t think you guys wanted to go last year anyway.
Elijah struggled with your loss today. With him, you can see it when he cries over something. Today he had a complete breakdown over not getting the dragon at the thrift shop, then having to pick Ellie up from school, then at the tree lighting when we didn’t want to wait an hour for them to paint his face. Maybe you should check on him.
I’m exhausted, my baby, so I am going to bed. I love to so so much, goodnight and sweet dreams.