Hi my baby,
It was uneventful today. I got the boys’ genetic tests done. Lucas had to spit into a tube till it filled up to the line. It took much longer than it should have, but he got it done. I had to swab Elijah’s mouth and he did awesome so it was nice and easy. I dropped them off to be sent out so hopefully we will hear something about the results in about a month.
I then spent hours driving around trying to get the safety check done on the van. Haha, you guys would have lost it. You guys hated when we had to go last time. You hated having to just wait in the car till it was finally our turn. Then I went to the DMV. I just went to Wahiawa. The first time we were there you guys were so good. Someone even commented on how well behaved you guys were. You just sat in the chairs and stared at the numbers coming up, being disappointed when it wasn’t ours. You guys were champs that day because it was so boring.
Your Matchbox 20 song came on while I was running. It was probably the fastest three minutes of my 5k. I just kept picturing your face with a big smile on it. It was right by your school, too.
Now that you’re not here, I am seeing your personality more in both the boys. Maybe because some of these traits you had, just multiplied by a thousand, so theirs didn’t stand out as much. Elijah is very hard on himself if he can’t do something or is having trouble. He also does not want help at the same time and wants to do it himself. He also has a bunch of witty comebacks or just slips in these little comments after he says something. Lucas..well he has that physical side of you. You can’t “play around” with Lucas anymore or he just comes at you. Luckily, he’s still only fifty some pounds. Trying to take you down was requiring me putting my entire body on you. Haha, you were like me though. Take a few seconds to get everything together, and then just flail around like crazy. It’s a good strategy. Doesn’t really work, but I always appreciated where your mind was at.
I got the card to send the recipient of your one kidney. It’s really cute with butterflies on it. I thought butterflies were appropriate since it’s an organ donor symbol. I would have loved a Lego or Minecraft one, but they’re were all birthday ones and just didn’t seem appropriate. Don’t worry, I will tell the recipient and their family all about what you loved. Maybe I will even include a joke from your joke book that you made.
I wish I had a warning before you were so abruptly taken from me. Once you were gone, you were gone. I asked you a few times in the hospital to squeeze my hand if you could hear me. You always see it in movies and on tv and then there’s this magical little squeeze and there’s hope in the world again. I never got anything from you. After they explained the results of your MRI, I wasn’t expecting to get a squeeze, but I could still ask and hope. Please watch over us, everyone is struggling with your loss. You were and still are an amazing son and I’m so grateful you were mine. I love you more than anything my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.