Hi sweetie,

It was a loaded day, but in a different way. I got a call this morning from your pediatrician with Ellie’s results from the EEG…abnormal. We are waiting to see a new neurologist and see what they say. We had actually forgotten about an instance last year where Ellie suddenly seemed out of it and her lips were a little blue. We took her to the ER, but they said she was fine and probably got up too quickly and her blood pressure dropped. After everything we have learned, I’m pretty sure it was a seizure like you had in Maryland. The only reason we have discovered any of this was because of what happened to you. I know it wasn’t your decision, but here you are still saving people.

I’m sorry once you guys started activities that we went to the Block Party at the library a lot less. Swimming lessons, Japanese class, and the STEAM class took up that time. You made some amazing things. Remember your Yoshi? I never understood how your brain worked, it was amazing. I would just watch you get a random idea and you just went with it. You’d add in all these mechanical parts that make your build move in different ways, it was so fun to watch. You’d also walk around sometimes and talk to other kids about their builds, sometimes you built with them. You always had a compliment for everyone there, too.

Lucas has been watching your honor walk on repeat since I moved it out of my hidden folder. He grabs my phone a few times a day and it’s always to watch it. Just this morning he was sitting at the island in the kitchen, watching it, and crying. I had to order Elijah a necklace for your ashes. I told them they were too young for one at first, but then Lucas wanted one for their room. Then that necklace came the other day, Lucas wouldn’t put it down. This morning they were fighting over who got to wear it around the house so you’d be “with them”. So I just went ahead and got Elijah one too. He’s way too young and I’m pretty positive he’s going to lose it, but it’s important that he can take you where he wants to.

Ellie said she had a dream about you last night. I’m not sure if she actually did, or if she’s just trying to deal with and process this whole thing the best she can. She said you told her you were riding on top of the kite thing yesterday at the beach. I know we talked about that. I want her to talk and think about you though, so that’s good. I saw a random rainbow today when we were at Zippy’s. It was on the ground, reflecting from something. At first I thought it magically disappeared and I thought it was a sign from you. Then I realized it’s actually because Ellie moved and was blocking it.

I wish you were here right now and I could be talking about how hard I will hide your birthday gifts this year. Remember last year? You gave up and had to make the video saying I was the better hider than you were finder. You reminded me a lot of my childhood with that. First of all, you want us to hide all your birthday gifts every year. No pile for you, you want to work for it. Pap would always hide our things so well. Even into high school, he would still hide a beanie baby that we would need to find before we got our Easter basket. I was starting to get creative with where I hid things for you. You were like three or four and I put your Easter basket in the stove two years in a row. I didn’t know that, but you reminded me the second year when that darn Easter Bunny put it in the same place. The year after, you ran right down to the oven to see if it was in there. You had a sigh of relief that year because the Easter Bunny got his life together and didn’t hide it there for a third year.

I miss you more than anything, buddy. Tomorrow I will at least have a constant reminder of you on my arm. By the way, the poem that you wrote and I got your writing from? Haha, you spelled your name wrong. Honestly, it took me so many times of looking at it and reading it to even realize it. Thank you for making us a better family. Thanks for being such an awesome brother that is always looking out for everyone/simultaneously hurting someone because you randomly threw something in the air and it hit them, or you jumped on them to be funny not realizing there’s a sixty pound difference. I love you so much, buddy. Don’t worry, I’ve turned your light and fan on every night. I’ve got to start reading the Dog Man book soon, I will try and work on that. Goodnight and sweet dreams my baby boy.