My Isaiah Joseph,

Hi baby. It was a rough “missing Isaiah” day for the boys. They were very quiet this morning. I talked to Elijah’s teacher when I dropped him off and found out that randomly while he’s playing at school he will stop and just tell his teacher that he’s sad and misses you. I’m really thankful for his Pre-K, it seems that’s the place where he can openly talk about missing you. I don’t think he does it as much at home because he always sees me upset and doesn’t want to add to it. It’s too much for a five year old.

There’s a game that’s been brought back to the house and it’s now called “Squishtopia”. Lucas thinks the name before was either “Squish-o-rama” or “Squishtopia”, but can’t remember which. It’s the game where you guys put the nugget down the stairs and jumped into a huge pile of stuffed animals. Yesterday, Lucas put every stuffed animal he owned at the bottom and was not happy when he had to eventually clean it up. There’s a much smaller amount of stuffed animals tonight. They’re all sliding down, rolling down, or just jumping from the very top of the stairs. As usual, it ended with someone in tears.

I got motivated today and put Christmas lights up outside. I don’t know why, but I just wanted to. There aren’t nearly as many as last year, but I think you’d like it. I always helped pap with the lights growing up and even in college. I always thought you would be my helper when you got older with the lights. Hopefully someone will help me next year. I don’t think it’ll be Ellie, she would probably help for five minutes and then be over it. I’ve got to hold out and hope for one of your brothers to help.

I wish I could see you again. I wish I could just squeeze you, grab your face, and look at you straight in the eyes and tell you how much I love you. Maybe at some point I will get it in a dream. When my time comes, you better be prepared for me to smother you.

I love you more than anything, my sweet boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.