My Isaiah,

Hi sweetie. Remember how I asked you last night for some extra motivation for my run this morning? Well Ellie came in my room around 2am to wake me up, wish me good luck on my run, and told me I was going to do great. She’s never done that before. In fact, the last and only time she woke me up about running was the night before school started this year when she told me she didn’t want me running that morning. I’d like to think that was also from you and she did that because of the strong connection you two have. I got it done though, finished my seventh week of marathon training!

I think about you a lot on my runs. Today while I was running, I was listening to a book called The Body Keeps the Score. I liked it enough to listen to it for the first 7.5 miles of my run, but then I had to switch to the same song on repeat for the next 1.3 miles.

I was talking to Aunt Cait tonight about how I had all these spiritual beliefs before you passed, but now there’s too much at stake. You’re either here watching over us, or you’re gone forever. Being gone forever is not a concept my mind can process at any time. I’m sorry I feel like I’m looking for these obvious and huge signs. Any little sign, I question my sanity on and wonder if I’m just making it fit into place in my brain. You’re probably saying, “mom I’ve given you so many signs, some of which you’ve noticed, and still you’re not believing me”. I will try my best to be more open to everything.

I love you so much and hope you know that. I told you every day while you were here and I’m going to continue to do that. Goodnight and sweet dreams, my baby.