My baby boy,
I spent a lot of time at the beach today. I just sat there, stared at the ocean, and read my book. I saw a sea turtle and just kept watching him pop his head out of the water. I felt very “at peace” sitting out there. I looked at the clouds to see if I could see any sign from you, but I only saw a dragon climbing a building, a dragon flying, and a camel running, but more like one of those camels from Zootopia. You know the ones in the beginning when Judy Hopps first gets into Zootopia? I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. I was at Mokuleia, because that’s my “go to” at this point. I’m going to head up Kolekole either tomorrow or Monday. It’s been closed for a while and I still need to put one of your leis on your bike up in your “secret spot”.
Daddy took everyone else to the aviation museum at Pearl Harbor. He sent me a picture, but I only glanced at it a second. It hurt too much. Plus, the boys decided to salute just like you all did when we went to visit the USS Missouri. That picture was all I could see when I looked at it. You guys didn’t want to go there at all, but ended up loving it and wanted to go back. I’m sorry we never went back. At least we got it once and you got to climb in all the beds you wanted to.
At the beach I was reading the Body Keeps the Score. It’s really interesting because I’m learning how and why things with me are the way they are now. It tells all about everything that happens to your brain during trauma. There’s just a lot of information to take in.
I like randomly looking through my pictures and videos on my phone and finding ones I haven’t watched. This is when we went it Pokai Bay in February. We’ve had a few good memories at that beach. Remember the first time we went there and saw the snowman made out of sand? It was the first December we were here. Then the one time we went you randomly became best friends with two other boys there that you didn’t know. I think you were trying to build a wall type thing to protect an area from the waves? I can’t remember, but I obviously have a picture. Then when we went another time we tried snorkeling, but didn’t find anything. You had went snorkeling with Carson there at some point and you guys saw a lot that day, but not us. Plus, it was cloudy that day so it was even harder to see in the water. This video was the last time we went to Pokai Bay back in February. Your laugh just puts a smile on my face. You really thought at one point that you were stuck. I also love how at the end you just randomly run onto different boogie boards. Nothing describes “Isaiah” like the end of that video.
I miss you so much. We went walking outside tonight for a little because Elijah wanted to see the Big Dipper. All I could think about was how you’d be running around like a madman and also getting so excited at the stars. The little things in life made you excited and it was always so wonderful to watch. I hope you’re doing well up there and checking on us. Maybe Uncle Jim showed you how to make stained glass? Maybe great grandpa on Pap’s side had you sneak some pop for him. He let us tie him to a pole once on the porch, so I’m sure he’s adding humor to your days. I hope Uncle Bob offered you some M&Ms and Aunt Bev told you how “sharp” you looked. I hope everyone up there is helping take care of you. Please watch over us, I love you more than anything. I haven’t had anyone tell me about a dinosaur dream with you yet, but I’m still holding out hope. I love you so much, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.