My baby boy,

My baby boy,

Today was tough. I don’t even care about Thanksgiving, but I just wanted it to be over. I’m actually thankful that we are not around everyone this year for the big holidays. I don’t even know if I would have wanted to go anywhere. We just kind of sat in the house and went through the motions.

Other than me making all the food for us, we really don’t have any other Thanksgiving traditions. The one thing we manage to do every year though is eat at ridiculous times. Most of the time, it’s later in the day. I always strive for a 4pm Thanksgiving meal, but I know we have definitely had ones where we didn’t eat until like 7:30pm. The really late meals always happened in Missouri for whatever reason. I’d be so annoyed with my timing while you guys were crying because you were starving. There was definitely one Thanksgiving where we ate all the sides, but the turkey wasn’t ready for about another hour. However, today dinner was extremely early. For whatever reason, the seventeen pound turkey overcooked in two hours. It was still good, but I have no idea how it cooked so fast. This Thanksgiving, dinner was at 1:30pm. So I guess the one solid Thanksgiving tradition that we have as a family is eating at random times that we never planned on.

We went to see Moana 2 today in the theatre. I remember watching the trailer on the computer with you. You said it looked really good. Maybe I went in with a bad attitude, but I didn’t really like it. I loved the first one though, so maybe my expectations were just high. I did cry during it towards the end though, it hit too close to home. The music was definitely not as good as the first. I’m pretty sure I listened to that album a thousand times. The music was so good. I hate going to things like the movie and wondering how you’d be there. What would you have wanted from the snack bar? Which stuffed animal would have come with you? How would you have liked the movie?

As I told you yesterday, today was the day that our elves arrived from the North Pole. In typical fashion, I waited right until we were about to leave for the movies so I could set them out. Imagine my surprise when I went to get them out of the closet and they weren’t there. I never pack them with the Christmas stuff because I don’t want to risk you guys finding them when you help me decorate or at a time like 2021 when they had to travel with us on our move.

As soon as I realized they weren’t there, I went into panic mode. The great thing about being a parent is that you hide things from your kids so they won’t find them and in turn you forget where the heck they are. I went through every closet, unfolded all the blankets, I looked for over an hour once we got home from the movies. It then dawned on me that I packed them up when I packed our stuff up in the house to move. I didn’t want to risk you guys finding them so I packed them away with my stuff. Eventually, it led me to the garage to look through the three packed bins that were still in there. Not only did I realize that all three bins in there are filled with my clothes that I never unpacked after you passed, but I found the elves! They were folded up in my high school track sweatshirt. The boys were so upset when they didn’t think they were coming.

Today was tough the entire day, but once I was looking everywhere for the elves I started to lose it. I couldn’t stop crying. I feel like after I found the elves I cried even more. It’s just like I let a little of the emotions of the day out and that gave my emotions permission just to let go.

I don’t understand why this is my story. I don’t. I would give anything to have you back or even switch places with you. The one thing today definitely showed me was that Christmas is going to be extremely tough to get through. I find myself wishing we could just fast forward through the season and move on.

I hope tomorrow is better. I don’t know if I can handle another day like this tomorrow. I’ve got to get out to the beach and just sit by the ocean, that usually helps a lot.

I love you more than anything, my sweet boy. I wish so much that you were still here with me. Goodnight and sweet dreams.