Baby boy,

Hi, handsome. Something unexpected happened today. I was faced with a situation that I had been in myself, but had no idea what to do. Earlier today I found out someone lost their child. Their child was terminally ill, but it still seemed to come quickly out of nowhere.

After I saw the message this morning, I stared at my phone and had no idea what to say. How could I not know what to say? I’ve lost a child, I’ve been there. I was just racking my brain trying to figure out what to say, while simultaneously knowing that there’s really nothing that you can say in that situation. I told them how sorry I was, offered to help in any way that was needed, and told them I was an ear if they needed to talk.

I went back in my mind to those first days after losing you and what different people said and did. A lot of it was a blur, but I do remember at one point Miss Brittany and Mr. Fred just sitting on our couch for hours. I wasn’t talking to anyone, nobody was talking. Part of me started to worry in the back of my mind that Miss Brittany and Mr. Fred would wonder why the heck they were even at my house if they weren’t doing anything. When I look back at it now, I realize that their only purpose was to “be there”.

There is nothing anyone can say or do to make it better when you lose a child. In the days following, people were giving me the gift of not having to use my brain for anything simple like planning and cooking meals, people helped clean the house, people just showed up at the house, people worked behind the scenes helping get things setup and ready for your Celebration of Life.

About a month after you passed, I met with Gabby from Let Grace In via zoom to meet with her and just to talk before any of the events. I will never forget, this woman just sat there and fully listened to me just emotionally unload on her. This woman who had lost her own son, is sitting here and showing so much love and grace as I cry the entire time. That little detail always stuck out.

I thought of you today and figured that my job is just to be there. Maybe I’m not actively doing anything, maybe I’m not saying remarkable things that help turn the day around, but someone knows I’m there. You were always there for people and the people that were there for me, especially after losing you, were remarkable and have forever changed my life.

I’m going to do things for you. I’m going to get your name out there. I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.