Hi sweetie,

It was just another “off” day. One filled with a million tasks I should be doing, but I don’t do any of them. Instead, I do other things and then feel bad that I didn’t do something else.

What really threw me off today happened right before I started making dinner. Your brothers were playing with the Gizmo watches and all of a sudden my phone lit up with your picture and said “Isaiah watch”. It’s like my brain needed an extra second to process everything. It was like for the smallest amount of time my mind got excited. For a split second, I forgot and couldn’t believe you were calling. I just couldn’t stop crying after that.

Reality hit hard though, then Lucas cut his toe and was bleeding everywhere. I was able to stop the tears and go immediately into “mom mode”, so I guess I should thank Lucas for his injury. To make things worse for Lucas, about an hour later he was hobbling up to his room, tripped over something, and cut open his knee on the same leg as his cut toe. It was a rough evening for Lucas.

Ellie woke up crying because she had a dream that her and daddy died. However, when they died they were able to see you again. Ellie said that you were building a car track and you told her that you missed her. At the end of the dream, God let all you guys come back to Earth together. I’m glad she at least got to see you.

I’m just down tonight, baby. I’m sorry. I’m going to get to bed and hope your brothers sleep tonight. I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.