Isaiah Joseph,

Seeing my memories come up from the past years are tougher to get through now. Four years ago today, we moved out of our house in Missouri. It seems like that was a lifetime ago. Since moving from that house, we have lived in three different states and houses, moved away from daddy, lost you, and lost Apollo.

You loved that house and made me take pictures of the “sandbox” at the bottom of our backyard before we moved so you could always remember it. It’s even crazier for me to look at those pictures and realize that Elijah is currently the age you were when those were taken. What happened?

Two years ago, we went to that Christmas thing that they had over on AMR. They had “snow”, bounce houses, random animal things to ride on wheels, I don’t actually know what they were. I was thankful none of you picked up the “snow” and ate it because I saw a few kids doing that and everyone had stepped all on it.

That was your final Christmas that you got to celebrate. My profile picture on here is from that same event and I can’t get myself to ever change it. You were in the last five months of your life in that picture and we had no idea.

Living life without you is taking all I have and I’m still coming up short. I’m depressed, always an inch away from breaking, and sometimes just ready to throw up the white flag. I’m doing the best I can for your siblings, though, my best is just pretty low right now.

I love you more than anything in the world, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.