My Isaiah Joseph,

It’s now been exactly one year since the worst day of my life. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I woke up at 6:45am, but didn’t move until 7:45am because I had a lot that needed done before we left for the park. To be honest, I think your celebration was the only thing that got me up and tackling the day.

It was pouring this morning, but luckily stopped about an hour and a half before your celebration. I was thankful the day turned out pretty decent, it was just a little unseasonably cold for the last day of May.

I hope you stopped and checked in on your celebration. So many people came together for you. There were people I hadn’t seen from high school, people I haven’t seen since college, and even some people I have never met in my life. I am so incredibly thankful for every single person that came. At one point today, a man I didn’t get to meet dropped off a few Lego sets that we included in the raffle. He didn’t leave a note or stay so I could talk to him. You helped bring out the best in some people.

I think one of my favorite things about today is that a few people told me that although they never met you, they feel like they did. My worst fear of losing you came true, now the only thing I can hold onto is making sure people remember you.

Ellie had about seven or eight friends come out today from school to support her. One of my biggest fears with moving in the middle of the school year was Ellie and how the kids would act towards her. They’ve been welcoming and so supportive. Some of her friends that couldn’t make it and even some that did wrote you letters.

As soon as we left today, I was exhausted. I think I spent the days up until today and earlier today focusing on the celebration rather than have to think about a year ago. At one point on the drive to the park, I did a quick time conversion to figure out what time it was in Hawaii. At the time, it was only 4:15am Hawaii time so it comforted me knowing that a year ago at that point you were still asleep in your bed.

This date will forever be one that I recognize. I realized that the worst part of today is that it just solidifies the fact that time moves on no matter what. It still felt just as horrible as every other day without you, but now we are starting to move further away from the last time we got to see you.

A year ago this morning, you were complaining that I made cheesy egg because you had decided a few months prior that you no longer liked any type of eggs for breakfast. I wish I could hear you complain about something you’re being made for a meal just one more time. In honor of you, we got pizza for dinner.

Baby boy, I can’t believe it’s been a year since I’ve heard your sweet voice or saw your eyes looking into mine. I’m not quite sure why I have to do the rest of my life without you here, but I’m going to try my best to add some good into the world for you. I will make some kind of positive change that you can be proud of. To get through the next few days, we will be handing out the Lego sets that we were sent.

I think about you every second of every day. Sometimes is about how much I miss you, sometimes it’s remembering different memories I have with you, and sometimes it’s trying to figure out how to continue to do things for you. We all miss you more than anything in the world and I wouldn’t mind getting a visit from you soon. By the way, Lucas had put batteries in a dragon two days prior and all of a sudden last night it started walking and making noises in their closet. Was that you? I smiled thinking it was. I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.