My Isaiah Joseph,

Today was a bad day. Somehow though, the universe rewarded me and I was able to talk to my therapist from Hawaii. It tracks the GPS on your phone, yet let me schedule and talk to her. I needed it.

I’m having a hard time in this house and feeling connected to you. In Hawaii, I had so many memories attached to every part of the house and had your room to walk past and just stare at. I’m now here in a new house, where you’ve never been. I feel like you’re even farther away than you are, even though that isn’t possible. This house doesn’t feel like “our house”, so maybe when that changes I will feel you here.

I unrealistically thought that as soon as I left Hawaii, the stress from those situations would lift off of me and it would be an easy transition. I know it sounds ridiculous to have those expectations, but that’s what I had and now I’m struggling. I thought this would be easier, but it’s not.

Watch over us, baby. I love you more than anything. Goodnight and sweet dreams, sweetheart.