My Isaiah Joseph,
I’ve been pretty down the last few days, so let me update and entertain you on a few different things that have been going on.
First of all, the boys wear pajamas now. However, they don’t wear them at night. Elijah is wearing a long sleeve polo and gym shorts and Lucas is wearing a NASA t-shirt, but actual pajama shorts. He has on the Flash pajama shorts that used to be yours. Your brothers instead have decided they’re going to wear pajamas during the day. Today, Lucas chose to wear matching pants and shirt Christmas pajamas and Elijah paired his plaid shirt with some plaid pajama pants today. We went to the park, maybe some parents judged me, but that’s not my problem.
Elijah is obsessed with deer and looking for them at every moment he looks outside. This morning he was staring out the window, saw a chipmunk, got super excited, and took a picture to show me. I will be honest, it looks like a pile of leaves or mushrooms to me. I will try to include the picture.
The cold isn’t as horrible as I thought it would be. The coldest day was only twenty-eight degrees, though. We missed the really frigid weather already. Your brothers actually think it’s entertaining to run outside up and down the sidewalk in just shorts and a t-shirt. They don’t wear shoes. We were going to the store the other day and Elijah was dressed to go out in Hawaii. I had to remind him where we were and he was extremely upset he had to put on a jacket and change into pants. He still rocked his regular crocs, I don’t think he’s ready to let them go for a little.
We went to the “zip line park” today. Your siblings were all pretty bummed because they took the zip line down. My guess is that it’s down for the winter and they’ll put it back up in the spring. I could be completely wrong, but that’s what I told them in hopes that it’d be true. I already shattered their dreams a few days ago when I had to tell them that the “wooden castle park” was closed for a while.
The last time we were at Simmons Park was with you. Uncle Brandon was also there with Honora and you guys all loved playing in the creek. We went over to the creek again today. While we were over there, I could just picture you in there, trying to cross it without falling because of how slippery it was.
Isaiah, there’s an ache in my heart that will never go away. I just hope that one day that ache can be automatically felt with a sense of love and comfort. Pap had his surgery today and I had to pick Gma up from the hospital, but I wasn’t ready to go in and see Pap. He did good and everything went well, but I just don’t think I can handle that kind of hospital setting yet.
I keep telling myself that this is a huge transition and I need to give it time, but I feel like I’m back at the beginning. Baby, I could really use a visit, a sign, even one of your siblings telling me about a dream they had of you. I feel like the only thing that can ground me at this moment is you. I’m sorry I ask for things a lot. I love you so much, my sweet boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.