My Isaiah Joseph,

Let me start this out by saying that my sign was in my dream twice last night. I don’t remember why, but I saw it twice. I made the sign the number “720” since your birthday is on July 20th. However, I woke up pretty sure that the number was only in my dream because I was telling you last night how I hadn’t seen it.

I was reading the Signs book again and something came back into my mind and then branched out into past events. When I asked you for the sign on Friday afternoon, I was in the elementary school parking lot about to get out and pick up Lucas and Elijah. Right after I asked you for the sign, I got out of the van.

When Elijah came out at dismissal, he got really excited and he said he had a surprise for me. I felt so much excitement when he told me that, like it was going to be a sign from you. Instead, he handed me a little white bag with a sea turtle bead in it and a little card about the significance of sea turtles in different cultures. Elijah had gotten a prize with his tickets at the end of the day and asked his teacher if he could get that extra thing for me.

At first, I felt a little letdown and also a little foolish that I thought Elijah was going to somehow pull out something with the number “720” on it. It was such a kind gesture that he thought of me and I thanked him for my turtle.

As I cleaned your brothers’ room and listened to the audiobook, I started to think about the turtle again. What if that was also a sign from you? It came right after I asked you for a sign and Elijah has never asked for or gotten an extra prize at school. I also find it odd that the little bead and card were in the prize box for kindergarteners. Elijah’s past prizes have included sunglasses, a fidget spinner, a pop it, and things like that.

I went back and looked at the turtle bead and read the card. I wanted to reach out to my Aunt Robbie, but for whatever reason I didn’t. Instead, I just sat in my thoughts and started going back to turtles.

Maybe a month or two after we moved here, Aunt Megan got you a blue turtle she saw at some kind of craft show or fair. I know I have my tattoo with the turtle on it and your writing, but why did Aunt Meg see that turtle and get it for you? It wasn’t a gift for any occasion, it was a “this made me think of Isaiah” kind of thing.

I had to ask Aunt Meg “why”. When she got back to me, she said she actually wasn’t sure why she got the turtle, she kind of just felt drawn to it. I’m going to include her explanation so you can read it. So then I had another turtle thing.

Miss Brittany and Mr. Fred went and saw a medium a few months after we lost you. They weren’t sure why, but Miss Brittany and Mr. Fred were told something about a “turtle” with you. Miss Brittany doesn’t remember the details, but I’m pretty sure when she told me the first time there wasn’t a clear explanation to the turtle comment in the first place.

I then called daddy because I wanted to know if he thought I was going ”crazy” with this idea that I had that maybe you’ve been sending me turtles to let me know you’re still with me and I’ve just missed them. We loved looking at the sea turtles when they would poke their heads out of the ocean in Hawaii, you and I saw that sea turtle in the ocean the day we were snorkeling and we got scared for whatever reason, and I have my turtle tattoo with your writing on it.

Whether it is or it isn’t, thinking that they are signs from you that I never noticed gave me this feeling of peace. It made me feel connected to you. It made me feel like maybe you are still with me and even if it’s completely false, I’m going to ignorantly hold on to this feeling.

I’m going to start being more aware of any turtles that might be around me. I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.