Hi baby,
Grandpop and Abuela left tonight. For the first time since June 1st, the house is just us. You can tell how much quieter it is without you here. You were always so loud, no matter what you were doing. You walked around like you were a thousand pounds and your voice was just always loud. Plus, half the time you were making a lot of noise with whatever you were doing. The dog food game, where you put those little hex bugs on top of the fridge and then scream as they fall down each and every time..lovely game. I still don’t think I fully understand it, but I think the goal was for them to fall in the dog food. You and your brothers didn’t keep points or anything so I’m not sure what the end game of that was, but you guys loved it.
It’s your movie pick tonight. We are going to sit down and put your favorite things you liked to watch on pieces of paper in a jar. On your pick, we will draw one out and that’s what we watch. I think I will make the slips of paper tonight with your siblings.
You know one thing I love? When you were younger and on the top bunk bed, you still wanted a hug at night after your kiss. It was hard to give you a proper hug so we just started putting our heads together. That never went away and you and your siblings still do it. Every single time after a kiss, you guys press your heads against ours. You always made sure you gave me a kiss goodbye before school or even going outside to play. The few times you left in a hurry for school, you waited for me at the fence after you parked your bike to say “I love you” and give me a kiss.
It was either the night before or two nights before everything happened, but we were talking at the dinner table. I got really serious with you guys and instructed you that you are to contact me every single day when you get older. If you didn’t contact me, I would come after you. Ellie rolled her eyes while you and the boys kind of just stared at me. I don’t expect every night now, but every so often would be appreciated.
I am hoping you’re still a big brother up there to the baby we lost back in 2016. I hope you’re teaching them all you learned here and how to be a great Lego master. You were a great big brother. Always looking out for everyone, getting excited for them, and teaching them how to do things. Now that you’re gone, Ellie doesn’t have anyone to challenge her and give her attitude back. Hopefully one of your younger brothers catches on soon. You and Ellie were best friends/ridiculously odd enemies from day one. I feel like you guys were forced to be so close because we were all together all the time, but I know you loved each other. Also, if you see CeCe up there, please be an adopted older brother to her, too. You were always taking care of everyone, so I don’t doubt that you’re still doing it.
I’m not sure if you hear us, but daddy and I say “good morning” to you every morning and “goodnight” to you every evening. We look into your room and just talk to you. I sorted more of your Legos today. Elijah lost a few from the sets he got already so I went up to your room because I know you have to have the same pieces. Just like before, I got sucked in and sat there for like an hour doing it. There’s still probably a thousand left to sort in the big bin. Will I ever finish? Probably not.
I wish you were here to give me your wet kiss. I wish you were here to pound your feet and tell me it’s the “worst day ever” because I made you shower. I will take anything. I haven’t really felt your presence yet. I kind of just talk to you all the time and hope you hear me. I love you more than you know and miss you so much, buddy. Lucas wants you to say, “I love you so much. Very very much. Very very very very very very very etc. much. I loved playing the pool of dog food with you.”