My baby boy,
I’m currently at school right now, subbing for kindergarten. It’s my break between the AM and PM classes so I thought I would write to you.
The flashbacks come out of nowhere and without a warning. The kindergarten went to a little program from the fire department and afterwards went outside to see the fire trucks.
While I was standing there with my class, we got around to the one side of the truck and the firefighter was explaining what was inside. In that particular compartment, there was all the medical equipment that is also in an ambulance. While he was talking, I was staring at the medical bags, and suddenly I’m standing in the parking lot of the beach while you got loaded into the ambulance.
I have about a half hour to get myself together before the afternoon class gets here so I thought if I wrote to you maybe I could work through it faster. However, I don’t really know what there is to “work through”.
The feeling is just uncomfortable. My chest is tight, I have a headache, and I’m just quietly crying. The words are all jumbled in my head and I can’t really even string together a sentence to describe what’s going on in my mind.
Once the afternoon class comes, we are going to do the same thing again with the program and going out to look at the fire trucks. I don’t know if it’ll happen again, but I guess I am now more prepared for the possibility. While the fireman is speaking, I will just spend my time watching the class and not look at him or the truck.
Maybe you had something to do with it, but it was raining when the fire trucks came for the afternoon class and they didn’t get to go outside and look at them.
Right after school we got home and had to get ready to go see a musical that a YouTuber is in that was an hour away. Ellie has been overly excited for it. Although it’s been an extremely long day and your brothers barely made it through the end of the musical, we had a good time.
Please keep an eye on us, baby boy. I love you more than anything, sweetie. Goodnight and sweet dreams.