My baby boy,

Happy Christmas Eve Eve, baby. It’s been a long day, but daddy is here and your siblings are happy.

Tomorrow I’m going to go out and give away your candy that the elves brought for you. I started filling out the cards tonight, but probably only got half of them done. I felt like my brain wasn’t working and I was going to mess up simple things like your birthday or just the day we lost you. I just stopped at one point and will finish them tomorrow.

My original plan was to start at the library, but I just looked and saw that the library is closed tomorrow so I’m going to need a new plan. This was much easier in Hawaii because of the beautiful weather and all we had to do was just walk outside and we would see kids and their parents. I really didn’t want to go to any stores tomorrow, hopefully I can come up with a better plan. The weather will be colder so I don’t think we would find enough kids out and about at the park. I don’t know, baby, send me some ideas.

I’m sorry I didn’t order your siblings gifts in time from you. I failed at that, but I’m just going ahead with my original plan and get the Isaiah dolls that I wanted to and they’ve been asking for since we lost you. I will tell them they’re coming from you when they exchange gifts tomorrow night.

Christmas is just about here, baby. I can’t run from it anymore. Here’s to hoping that I can survive through it. I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.