My baby boy,

Tomorrow is Ellie’s first day at her new school. She’s excited, but a little nervous. Maybe you could check up on her a little tomorrow, let her know that she’s going to do great. If you were still with us, you wouldn’t be at the same school as her. Her school is only 4th and 5th grades.

I’m back at home, but feel very lost. I don’t even know how to describe it, but it’s very uncomfortable. Before I got to Pittsburgh, there was a “future” ahead of me. Now it just seems as if I’m in survival mode and just going day to day. I don’t know why, I don’t know how to change it. Maybe I shouldn’t say “change” or “fix” with this. I don’t think there’s really anything I can do. It’s a huge transition and it was my first life transition without you.

Our household goods pinged today and they’re at a railroad station in Illinois. They were at the station in California just five days ago, so I’m hoping they’ll get here before May 7th. Elijah and Ellie made a comment today about our house feeling “weird”. I told them once our stuff comes and all the toys that it’ll feel like our home. It’s hard with everything missing.

I do know there’s a brighter road ahead. I know that everything will fall into place. I know I’m taking all the necessary steps for both your siblings and I to navigate everything. However, it’s hard to see past these extremely hard days.

I love you more than anything, baby. I would give anything to see you again. I can just picture you walking through the doorway of my bedroom to tell me you “can’t sleep”. Please continue to watch over us. Goodnight and sweet dreams, sweetheart.