My baby boy,

One day it feels like my entire world is falling apart around me, then the next day I feel like I can actually take a deep breath. I’ve been very on edge lately and spiraling out of control with the current changes in my life, but today it literally felt like a weight was lifted off my chest after I dropped Ellie off at school.

Ellie went into her first day very excited and just a little nervous. You know Ellie, she thrives on social situations and is overall just happier when she’s at school. When I picked her up, she walked out with a big smile on her face. She said she had a great day and met a lot of friends. I hate that she’s had that phone since last May, but I like that she can text her new friends and still be in contact with her friends from Hawaii.

I had therapy today and that was a lot to unload and face, but I definitely like this therapist thus far. Therapy today was a day that I cried whenever I talked about you.

I realized that when I was talking to my therapist that Miss Madison held a very important role for me. For whatever reason, I was able to just completely unload everything on Miss Madison and she would just stand there and listen. I didn’t feel judged, I didn’t feel like she was trying to solve my problems or grief, she just listened to me go off. Plus, she gave some great hugs. I don’t know how she took on that role, but she was the one safe place that wasn’t my therapist where I could freely talk about you.

I talked to you a lot last night, out loud. Did you hear any of it? I hope you did. I love you more than anything, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.