My baby boy,

I’m not sure where exactly to put my feelings at today. It was a rough day, I missed you, but I was productive.

There have been times where I find myself saying “I don’t know why or where it came from” when I have a really rough day. When I was about to tell daddy that today I thought to myself how absolutely ridiculous that sounds. What do I mean I don’t know why? I lost my child, nothing else needs to be added to that.

I’m probably going to go to the commissary again this weekend. I really need to make a better lunch and dinner schedule to shop for so it’s not as chaotic and time consuming to pack lunches and at mealtimes. When I had talked to my therapist about the last trip and told her I probably just wouldn’t go back she immediately asked why. She said I shouldn’t just not go to certain places because they make me feel a certain way and that avoiding them does not help. So I will continue to go shop at the commissary and remember all the wonderful memories of the past twelve years of my life. Plus, they have better prices.

Daddy sent me this picture today, Abuela sent it to him. I don’t know if you took it on her phone or when it was even from, but as soon as I opened it I smiled. I miss you more than anything in the world, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.