My baby,

I have not heard from Ellie or Lucas since yesterday morning? I think it was yesterday morning, everything is blurring together. The woman in charge of the camp sent me an email earlier today and asked me to call her. She said that both Lucas and Ellie got a little teary last night, but fell right to sleep and slept through the night. Ellie had asked a few times this morning if she could call me, so the woman wanted to check in with me and see what I thought. I told her all about Ellie’s anxiety and checking to see if I’m “okay” and how Lucas always gets more emotional at night when he’s overtired. She said she would take that information, talk about it with their counselors, and decide the best course of action. Maybe they’ll call, I might get an email, I might get no news. Tonight I didn’t get any information, meaning they’re both still doing great. I said it before and I will say it again, I am so incredibly proud of both of them.

Today was busy and a lot of running around. We decided today would be a great day to go to Kennywood, so we picked up Gma and went. It was a great day, not very hot and not crowded at all. It was easier to go with just Elijah and ride. He was very “anti kiddieland” today and said those rides were too boring. He did ride the Racer, though. I’m pretty sure the only reason he went on it was because he really couldn’t see the track. He got off screaming how he would never ride it again, but was smiling the whole time.

We had our first meeting tonight at The Caring Place. You’d love it, you get pizza every time before the meetings. Obviously Ellie and Lucas weren’t there, but Elijah really enjoyed himself. They broke the adults up into two separate groups. The one group is for those who lost a spouse and then the group I’m in is every other loss. I’m not sure if everyone came tonight, but so far I’m the only one who’s there because they lost a child.

I missed this environment, though. It’s just very freeing to be sitting around and telling people what’s going on, knowing they won’t act uncomfortable. You only go to this group if you’ve had a death of someone and the volunteers obviously already know what they’re volunteering for.

Before we went back into the rooms, I was talking with one of the volunteers sitting next to me. She was actually my age and said she volunteers there because she went through the program herself twenty-four years ago after losing her dad. She told me how much the program helped her as a child and it made me feel a little lighter. Hopefully this program will help your siblings.

It’s way past my bedtime, baby. Even though we did so much today, Elijah wouldn’t fall asleep. I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.