My baby,

In last year’s letter, I was holding out hope that we would get an answer from your autopsy. Obviously, we never did and have to live with that. Back then I had an utter fear of the autopsy coming back with nothing. I was sure that would absolutely break me, but I’m still here.

We had the little get together at the park for Ellie today and eight out of the nine girls she invited came. The one girl who didn’t come wasn’t able to because her mom got sick. In my letter to you last year I was also so concerned about the “right” thing to do and when to leave for your siblings. I was worried about Ellie, her social life, and making new friends with girls who have been together since kindergarten. She’s thriving here and has made some great friends.

Elijah is done with Pennsylvania and misses Hawaii. He wants to go back to the beach and misses every little part of Hawaii. I get it, I do too.

I feel like Lucas is in the middle. I think he really likes Pennsylvania, his school, and his classmates, but on the other hand he really misses daddy.

Daddy just got here Friday morning, but will be leaving early tomorrow morning. Lucas is already struggling with it and wants to just go back with him. It doesn’t matter if daddy stayed here longer, it would be just as hard for him to say “goodbye”. It did more positive things for your siblings than negative for the short trip he was here. Plus, I got the house a little cleaner today while they went out to the trampoline park and to eat.

I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me you’re here. I love you more than anything, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.