My baby,

Hi, handsome. We made it through another day. We woke up this morning to the power going out for no reason. Lucas was so thrown off because I told him the power won’t just randomly go off here like it does in Hawaii, but I was wrong. It was only odd around two hours, though.

There was an Easter egg hunt today at Elijah’s Pre-K. Your brothers were the only two that went because Ellie “aged out” of this one and she slept over Gma’s house last night. We haven’t been to an Easter egg hunt since that dumpster fire in Hawaii where you’re the only one who successfully walked away with a few eggs. This one was nicely set up, though. They broke the kids down into groups and then everyone in the group was allowed to get ten eggs. Once everyone had ten, they let them go find whatever eggs they could.

I have been “okay” with Easter coming until today. As we were walking into the Easter egg hunt, visions of past Easter egg hunts with you went through my brain. I processed that we are about to go through our first Easter without you. A huge wave of dread came over me right after that thought. I suddenly realized that this is our last “first” without you. This is the final holiday we have to hit and suddenly you’ve been gone a lot longer. Now it won’t be, “last” (insert holiday/special day here), but it’s going to turn into many.

I can’t explain it. It’s just another milestone that I’m not in any way prepared for, the end of the firsts. That whole thing derailed the whole day, but it’s nothing new.

I remember your second Easter. We were living in Tennessee and it was only me, you, and Ellie that day. I got you guys dressed up all cute, took a picture, and put you into our usual comfy clothes. You guys had gotten some kind of painting thing in your baskets, Ellie had Minnie Mouse and you had Dory from Finding Nemo. You guys painted and we went to the “rocket ship park” at the new elementary school they had built. I wish I could go back.

Since Ellie was at Gma’s, I brought your brothers to Aunt Cait’s house so I could go get everything for the Easter baskets. You’ve already figured this out, but the Easter bunny is not real. I went to Target and got everything I needed for four baskets. I even got you a Lego set for your basket. I don’t know what I will do with the extra things, I will figure it out, but I needed to fully include you.

I will make sure that I hide your basket, too. It’ll be hidden in the hardest place because you were always the one who asked for it to be difficult.

When I went to get the Easter baskets for the Easter egg hunt, I found yours with some candy still in it. It also has a piece of paper where you wrote your name on it and wrote “Hoppy Easter”. It’s just another piece of you that I will cherish that I have.

To end our evening, Elijah ran into the kitchen to tell me he tried to flush the toilet twice and the water was getting really high. When I walked into the bathroom it had already overflowed and the floor was soaked. Luckily, I still have Aunt Cait’s dehumidifier from the garage flood. I actually told her today that I would bring it back tomorrow, but now that’s not going to happen. Then I called Pap and he came right over with a plunger because we do not have one yet. At this point, I am ready to go to bed and start a new day tomorrow.

I love you more than anything in the world, my sweet boy. It’s been quite a transition and I’m definitely struggling, but I’m hoping I’m making you proud. Goodnight and sweet dreams.