My handsome boy,

Hi, sweetie. Lucas is lecturing me again because I wrote “my” when you are “ours”. He wants to make sure I know that. I do, I promise.

Today was great. Today felt “normal”. I haven’t done much since we got to Pittsburgh. I’ve just been in a slump since we got here. I had told Teenie that she was going to be stuck seeing us all the time, but I really haven’t left the house. I got to be around Teenie and Jacki, along with their kids. It’s crazy when we were gone so long to be with these people you I had some ridiculous times with and their kids. I even got to see Lehm.

We went to Cal and it looked exactly like it did when I ran and coached there. Your siblings were overly excited when I pointed out the “California” exit sign and then very let down. Lucas said, “California looks just like Pennsylvania”. To be fair, how many people know that there’s a town named “California” in Pennsylvania. Your siblings raced, they found random toys on the stadium stairs, and did gymnastics. Last time we visited, you played soccer with Coach Caulfield’s daughter the whole time. I was happy to see Ellie doing gymnastics with her today.

Life has changed so much since we lost you. I just wish I could have all these experiences I’m having now with you here with us. You’re in every experience we have. During everything we do, I always visualize what I think you’d be doing there.

I’m hoping your siblings sleep in tomorrow until 7am, but we both know that’ll never happen. Lucas is already begging me to let them wake up Easter morning at 5am. I don’t know what I need. Well I do, but I can never have that again. I love you so much, baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.