My handsome man,

You’re ten now, I know you’re not a man, but you’d probably be close to daddy’s height at this point.

I went through a few ideas on what to bring to the hospital tomorrow, but in the end I settled on something more simple. I got a little card, a Starbucks gift card, and Sarris pretzel sticks for whoever receives your “gift”. I got four of them because I didn’t just want to make one basket, but then again I had no idea what I was doing so I randomly got four of everything.

I was originally thinking I would put the link to your website in the card, but I’m not going to do that. I don’t want to give someone in a hospital with a sick child a link to one remembering you. It just seems like I need to stay on the “more positive” side, so I think I’m just going to sign the cards with your name.

I didn’t know what to write in the cards. I certainly didn’t want to write too much, but also didn’t want to not write anything. I honestly googled “encouraging quotes for parents with sick kids”, but I wasn’t happy with the results. I’m not sure if I’m just bitter because we lost you so quickly, but a lot of them focused on things getting better, getting through the dark times for brighter times, and how having hope and strength can help your child heal. I don’t know, maybe I am being a “Negative Nancy” because we never really got to have hope with you. Maybe those quotes annoy me because I know that no matter how much strength I had, I could not help you find the strength to come back from what happened.

I decided to keep the note very short and to the point. I told whoever receives it that they are very strong and that they aren’t alone. I thought back to that time and it honestly didn’t matter what anyone said it me, most of it was just noise. I do think that parents need to be reminded that even though they’re absolutely breaking down sometimes and losing it, that they’re still extremely strong for what they’re going through. It’s a concept I would love to remind myself, but at least I can try and pass it on to a stranger.

I love you so much, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.