Isaiah Joseph,

Today was a busy day. Everyone had school, Ellie had to leave school early for an appointment, Elijah had soccer practice, and both Ellie and I had therapy.

Ellie had to go down to Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh because she had to get the ambulatory EEG put on. I have only been to Children’s Hospital once, when Ellie’s elbow popped out during us playing “row row your boat” while visiting Gma when she was like three. This was our first hospital visit that we’ve had that wasn’t at the hospital where we lost you. I went into the appointment with the mindset that it’s just an appointment and then move on with our day.

Once we got into the hospital and checked in, I got very aware of the parents around me. I had the flashback to us leaving the hospital without you and seeing all those people walking into the hospital for their appointments. I looked at the parents, not knowing what they were possibly going through, thinking maybe they’re looking at us like I looked at other people that day. I’m smiling and talking to Ellie about her bandaged head while the other parent in the elevator’s life is breaking apart.

I noticed a dad in the elevator when we were going to Ellie’s appointment. He got off and turned the opposite way of us towards the patient rooms. The parents on the elevator as we were leaving got off on the cardiac ICU floor. It’s so odd, but I just want to give them a hug and tell them they can let it all out to me real quick if they need to.

We have to go back on Thursday to get the equipment taken off Ellie. I decided that I’m going to bring two cards for two separate families. I don’t even know if I can do that, but maybe just give them to someone at one of the front desks of one of the floors. Maybe I could just ask them to give them to two families that may especially need it that day. I will probably add a Starbucks gift card, since there’s one in the hospital. When daddy and I were at the hospital with you, we ended up getting it every morning. I’d also like to get them a little something else to try and bring a little peace to their day. Maybe you can give me an idea or two in my dream tonight.

Baby boy, I love you so incredibly much and I’m going to do whatever I can to show that. Goodnight and sweet dreams.