My sweet boy,

It’s Ellie’s birthday. She didn’t say anything about you visiting her in her dream last night, so I’m guessing you didn’t. Maybe you’ll visit her tonight? I don’t know, this is where I get in my head of “what’s next”? Perhaps you visited in another way, I just get stuck on my own ideas and can’t stray from those.

Daddy managed to get here and surprise everyone. It felt like Christmas morning with how excited I was for your siblings. I knew how excited they’d be to see daddy and how the visit would “fill their cups”.

Ellie and Lucas were already at school when I went to pick up daddy, but I told Elijah we had to go to the airport to pick up a surprise for Ellie’s birthday that got sent from out of the country. Surprisingly, he didn’t question a thing. Once we got to the airport, I even had to buy a little time so he got a slushie and doughnut while I apologized to him for not knowing where to go to find the surprise.

There’s this psychic comedian guy that has been coming up on my feed all the time and he’s actually coming to Pittsburgh on the 25th. I was tempted, but would never go. I feel like I’d be a bummer because I would just want to know if you knew how much I loved you. I don’t even know if he does that. Maybe he could tell me if I manage to get myself together enough to get your legacy off the ground and into something solid. I’d want to go, but would have a fear of being let down. Plus it’s a school night, I have nobody to go with, Ellie has hip hop, and I’ve got to take care of your siblings. I don’t know why he started coming up on my feed, but he did.

I’m desperate to feel closer to you. I love you more than anything, my baby. Goodnight and sweet dreams.