My sweet boy,

We went to the pumpkin patch today. It was our first trip back to one in three years and the first ever visit to one in Pennsylvania. The last time we went to a patch was in Hawaii where it was way too hot and I had to carry three pumpkins back at once and thought I wouldn’t make it. Luckily, you and Ellie were able to handle your own pumpkins, even if you needed a break or two.

You would have loved it there. I feel like your favorite part would have been the hay stack tunnels with the tube slides. I think you would have also gotten really into the launching potatoes and paint balling a werewolf and Bigfoot.

I took more pictures today than I have in a while, although there were quite a few bittersweet moments where I had to take a second before I captured the moment. The first picture was when they were in the hamster wheel together. They had a few of those in Missouri and you guys would always play in them.

The pumpkin patch had an entire little setup with an old pickup truck, some pumpkins, flowers, and a bench for pictures. I made you guys take these staged pictures every year. To be honest, I’m sure every parent forces their kids to do the same thing, but I couldn’t help but wonder how it would look this year if you were still with us.

Right before we were about to leave, your siblings decided to all go down the big slide together. I recorded it, but don’t think I will watch it back anytime soon. All three of them went down together and held hands, exactly what you guys would always do together at the skate park. I have so many videos of the four of you holding hands and sliding down the ramps.

It hurts to capture these moments without you, but it also allows me to breathe being able to see your siblings have fun and enjoy life after all they’ve been through. I thought of you the entire time and hope you were there with us.

I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.