My sweet boy,

After I dropped Elijah off at school, I got in the car and put on my music. The first song that came on was your Angel Wings song from Rocket League that you liked. I had to go get gas and I hurriedly looked around at all the cars license plates and any other numbers to see if I saw “720”, but there was nothing. I listened to the whole song and thought of you the entire time, though.

The tree is up and all the lights are on it, but we didn’t get to decorate it tonight because Ellie had to study for a test. We already had to get three boxes of randomly flavored candy canes so they’re at least hanging on the tree. You guys loved all the flavored candy canes, but breaking it while opening it ruined the entire experience. You guys just bite into them anyway, so I don’t get the big deal, but it is.

We had the first “snowfall” this morning. I put it in quotations because although there was some snow falling from the sky, but I don’t know if I would count it as much snow. Your brothers, however, thought it was the greatest day ever and were so excited about the entire thing. You would have been just as excited.

I read my post from last year and I told you I was going to put up your tree last year, but I never ended up putting it up. It was way too difficult and I honestly am not sure if I’m going to try and do it this year. It’s just a lot to take in. The holidays are already difficult and although it seemed like a good idea at the time and like I wanted to do it, the more I thought about it, the harder it felt. We did buy you a Minecraft ornament last year and we will get you another one this year, I just don’t know what tree it’ll be on.

I miss you so much, baby boy, and this season coming up sucks. I want to make sure your siblings have an awesome holiday because of all they’ve been through, but I also just want to pretend it doesn’t exist and fast forward through the entire time.

I love you more than anything, sweetie. Goodnight and sweet dreams.