Hi honey,

Today was uneventful. In a way, I guess I’m kind of thankful for that. There wasn’t too much “extra” to handle.

Remember your Revolution soccer jersey from in Missouri? The one that had your name on the back of it? Daddy really wanted it framed, so we took it to the Arts and Crafts center and that’s what they’re going to do. I have no idea where he is going to hang it, but it’ll be displayed somewhere. I’m going to have your one soccer jersey you got in Virginia made into a bear.

Yesterday we were watching some movie called The Shallows. I didn’t find it very believable, I don’t think a shark would hang out that long just waiting for someone. At the end of the movie, I didn’t even clock it, but Ellie said something. She was just floating in the water and the guy pulled her out by her arms. She just laid there for a second. Ellie randomly said, “it’s just like Isaiah”. She was right. I guess I’m glad I didn’t even put two and two together at the time, but it’s sad that Ellie did.

Lucas has been reading the Dog Man book to me, the first one. He’s actually doing really well. I had no idea that’s how Dog Man “came to be”. I know I still have that one I bought to read to you. I’m sorry I haven’t yet. I haven’t actually laid down in your room for a while. It’s very difficult to go in there and just sit in everything. However, if I’m going to read the book for you, I feel like I need to be in your bedroom.

As time goes on, I feel like you’re getting farther and farther away. I feel like I’m losing you. I don’t know how, because you can’t get any farther away from me than you are now. I’ve also already lost you. It’s hard to explain, but it’s not a comfortable feeling. What happens if I start to forget things? What happens if I just can’t recall your laugh? What does that mean? I don’t think I will, but I’m just making up possible situations in my head that could happen that scare me. What can be scarier than losing a child? I will tell you, it’s the possibility of forgetting little details of that child. Especially as your mom, how would that even happen?

I don’t know if you were in my room last night, but my fan next to my bed beeped and randomly shut off. Honestly, it’s never done that in the two years that we have owned that fan. I’m still not putting a lot of thought into things like that, but it’s just things I notice.

I miss you so much, my baby. I love you more than you will ever know. I love you more than you love pizza and Legos every single day. I wish I could just hear you call my name one more time. Please just watch over us. Our family is completely broken without you. Goodnight and sweet dreams, my baby.