Baby boy,

Nobody went to school today. Elijah had a fever last night and went to bed at 7pm so I knew I wasn’t going to send him today. I’m pretty sure Ellie played me, but she came into my room in the middle of the night to tell me she “felt terrible” so in my head I figured she got whatever Elijah had and I wouldn’t be sending her either. If I don’t send Elijah or Ellie, I might as well give Lucas a “mental health day”. I could tell early on that Ellie played me and I told her, but I guess she bested me this time.

Last night, Lucas was very upset that he would die before me, come back to different parents, and know that he was with the “wrong parents”. I have no idea where this all came from, but there was no talking him through it.

Today he was reading the news on my phone and saw what was going on with the current conflict in the Middle East and is now worried about World War III starting and our safety. It’s difficult to explain that stuff to him, but it’s also difficult to gauge things regarding daddy. I was hoping the world would just chill out for a little bit, but I guess that’s just not possible.

I finally got the Christmas lights down in the living room, the ceramic houses packed away that were under the tree and still just sitting on the floor of the living room, and the Christmas wreath off the front door. I don’t know why it took me so long to finish getting that stuff put away, I did everything else before daddy went back to Hawaii, the first few days of January. The houses on the ground annoyed me so much, too. I would see them every day and tell myself, “I just need to get them put away”, but they continued to sit there. Well after two months, they finally got put away with everything else.

A song from Despicable Me 4 came on today and I immediately thought of you. I know you weren’t here to see it with us, but I wondered if you liked the song when you heard it.

I hope you’re out there and you see us every day. I hope you know how missed and loved you are.

I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.