Baby boy,

We went back to the Caring Place today and I’m very thankful. Ellie has a much larger group of kids this time around and also has someone else who lost a brother. Lucas and Elijah are actually in the same group this time around, so we will see how that goes. Maybe it’ll be helpful for Lucas to see Elijah being open about you to other people.

I can see why I got called back this time around to join this introductory group again. There is someone else who lost a child a few years older than you and then two people who lost adult children. I didn’t have anyone that really related with me during the last session so I guess this will be a group that “gets it”.

We found your quilt hanging in the activity room, right at the entrance. You greet everyone who comes through the door with your beautiful smile. Remember how they let everyone spray paint the one wall during Children’s Grief Awareness Day? Well they had a professional come in and do some work over the amateur work done by everyone else. I was so happy to see that I still saw your initials that I put on the wall. They’re actually right in the middle of a broken heart, which really tracks how life is. Ellie, Lucas, and Elijah were all able to find a little part of their work that they had done peeking out from the artist’s additions.

There was a boy in my dream last night who looked like you, but it wasn’t you. He was wearing a black shirt and his hair was everywhere. In my dream we were at the Caring Place, but it was really somewhere random. I pointed out to everyone in my family that was there that “there’s a boy here who looks exactly like Isaiah” and I kept looking around for him.

I reached out to more people for your website today. It was a topic in therapy the other day and she said I just need to get it taken care of in one way or another. Hopefully this will get me somewhere? If not, I will try somewhere else.

As one more thing from talking to Aunt Sarah yesterday, I told her how you used to nurse all your toys once Elijah was born. You would sit there, pull up your shirt, and hold toys like your large, metal Tonka truck against your chest. There’s so many memories of you, I miss you so much.

I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.