My sweet boy,

I’ve been putting off painting that “calming” box for probably about two weeks now. I just know that I’ve had two therapy sessions where she asked where I was on the box and I told her I hadn’t done anything. At the end of the last one, she said something along the lines of me “putting things off that I don’t want to do and I just need to do them”.

I painted the box today! Frankly, it stressed me out having absolutely no plan and just having to paint the thing. Although I seem to live in chaos, apparently I feel I need instructions or someone to tell me what to do for the pointless things in my life. It took hours, but my plain white box is now finished. I feel like it’s colorful and kind of all over the place, which is how I view myself.

The lid is ripped in two places, but I just taped it on the inside and went on with painting it. I was very tempted to go and at least buy a new lid, but I figured I needed to just let it go.

At forty years old, I just learned that I don’t need to have a plan for everything and sometimes I can just do whatever I want. It’ll all somehow work out in the end and the world will continue on. I painted the box, it’s not perfect, life continued. I know, baby steps, but this is where I’m at in my life.

I finally did something. I love you more than anything, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.