My Isaiah Joseph,

Today was long. I was in kindergarten all day, got home long enough to shower and get changed, and then we had to leave and go to the Caring Place. We just got home around 8:30pm and I’m ready for your brothers to go to sleep. They were both in my bed last night, but this time Lucas was the one who laid horizontally across the bottom of my bed. He told Ellie that my legs were “surprisingly really comfortable”. I’m glad he felt that way, because I thought it was very uncomfortable.

With subbing every day this week, I feel like I’ve been so preoccupied with other things that my mind hasn’t been in that bad headspace. However, I don’t feel comfortable with this feeling. I also have been second guessing if I want to just stay busy in order to not even think about everything. Is this me running away from my problems?

I talked about it tonight at the Caring Place and other parents had the same issue and way of thinking. The crying all caught up to me when we were there, though. At the end, they wanted us to share some funny memories of the ones we’ve lost. I have so many of you, but I felt the need to tell them about how you’d pull your pants down every time you were mad when you were a year old and how you used to walk around the house and hit into walls because you had the monkey hamper on your head.

I love and miss you more than words can describe. Goodnight and sweet dreams, my sweet boy.