My baby boy,

Happy Easter, I’m glad it’s over. I just realized as I was typing this that I completely forgot to take the picture with the duck costume and bunny ears. I don’t know if I want to do it anymore, I can’t believe that I completely forgot.

I was ready for Easter to be over before it even started. I feel bad, but since losing you, I want every holiday over before it even starts. Today was no different and it just seemed like a regular day, but with forced things that shined a huge light on the fact that you aren’t here with us.

Lucas did not sleep last night. I didn’t get the baskets made up, put together, and hidden until 6am today. Ellie always stays up later than me, so I set my alarm for 1am and figured I would wake up and take care of the baskets then. My alarm went off, I was standing in the kitchen looking at everything I had in my bags, when Lucas walked in. I set my alarm four different times last night to wake up and try and do everything without Lucas. My alarm went off twice with him lying right next to me in my bed. He stayed asleep when I got up at 6am to put the baskets together and hide them. Lucas had kept checking on the baskets the entire night and told Elijah when we went into the room in the morning that, “the Easter Bunny skipped us”, it was sad.

Everyone found their baskets after I essentially led them right to their locations. They didn’t look for very long and I think we just gave up.

While the boys were taking everything out of their baskets, Lucas brought your urn in and sat it in front of your Easter basket. It sucked, but was so loving underneath all of it.

We did give your basket away today, but I will tell you about it tomorrow. I’m exhausted and keep messing up on typing by falling asleep or writing a sentence that makes no sense.

I love you more than anything in the world, baby boy. You are my everything, goodnight and sweet dreams.