My sweet boy,

I thought about this fact before, but I can’t remember if I told you about it or not. I used to have a really hard time with seasonal depression in the winter before losing you. The silver lining is that now I’m just always in this hole and upset, so technically the winter doesn’t affect me in that way anymore.

We spent the day running around and trying to find an outfit for me to wear for the 100th day of school on Monday. I’m in kindergarten and they told me I needed to wear a wig, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m trying to channel my inner Grandma Malay mixed with a mall walker. I wanted a pastel sweatsuit with some floral decal on it or maybe a cat or bird, but I couldn’t find anything at Goodwill. Luckily, Aunt Megan has this track jacket thing, I will pair it with the turtleneck that I bought, sweatpants with long white socks bunched up, a floral fanny pack that will be filled with tissues, Werther’s, and mints, and I have glasses, pearls, and a wig. I’m hoping it all comes together. I’m sure I will look ridiculous, but maybe it’ll make some kindergarteners happy so it’s okay.

I made you one hundred days of school shirt, when you were in Pre-K. I “created” a monster out of puffy paint and then glued one hundred googly eyes on the shirt. The problem was, the monster on your shirt wasn’t large enough to fit that many eyes so I just glued eyes randomly around the shirt. You didn’t seem to mind. I asked you in kindergarten if you wanted to dress like an old man, but I told you you’d have to wear jeans or khakis. You asked what jeans were, I pulled a pair out to show you, you said “no way”, and that was it. If it wasn’t jogging pants or sweat pants, you weren’t wearing them. I can appreciate that attitude.

Aunt Cait said she asked you for a sign, maybe you can send one to her, because I still don’t ask. I’m sorry, I’m not good at waiting and I don’t want to stress about not getting it.

I love you more than anything in the world, baby boy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.